Meaningful change often comes with acute pain. Imagine a building with an outdated foundation, weighed down by years of accumulated gunk. You wouldn’t build a new floor or make major renovations on that unsteady base. First, you’d have to tear it down and lay a stronger foundation—one that will support growth for years to come. The same principle applies to change within us. The "gunk" is the old beliefs we’ve clung to for years, even when they no longer serve us. And when we’re ready to level up, we have to clear them out.
But before that transformation happens, there’s often a period of darkness, self-doubt, and confusion. In the moment, it might feel like a setback, but in reality, this is the phase that reveals what needs to go. If we don’t see the gunk, we can’t remove it. Circumstances, people, and thoughts will all rise up to remind us of the outdated beliefs we’ve been carrying.
Let me give you an example. Say you’ve had a series of challenging romantic relationships. You wake up feeling dejected about your love life. Then, you see a couple walking hand in hand, and a thought pops into your mind: I will never have that. That thought, right there, is a belief. A story you’ve told yourself—one your mind has gathered evidence to support. Over time, you feed that belief with more proof until it becomes the lens through which you see the world. And that’s painful.
At some point, that belief will get louder, stronger, and more insistent. It will feel like an unshakable truth. You’ll be convinced that this is just how life is and always will be. This is the abyss—a place where everything feels stuck. But here’s the thing: this isn’t a regression. It’s an opportunity. The abyss is where you can excavate those old beliefs, face them, and release them with love to make space for something new.
This process applies to every area of life—self-worth, love, purpose, career—you name it.
Identifying and letting go of old beliefs is hard because we are deeply attached to them. That’s where guidance can help. An outside perspective isn’t weighed down by the same emotional attachments. My shadow work somatic coach has been instrumental in helping me uncover and release old narratives. The process is ongoing, but I am not the same Vidushi I was two years ago. If you know me personally, you’d agree.
So, if you’re in a moment of despair, know this: you’re not alone. These feelings are normal and might actually be inviting you to reimagine a new way of being. The journey isn’t linear, and yes, change is terrifying—but you’ll know you’re ready when the pain of staying the same outweighs the fear of transformation.
I’ve been through this, and in some ways, I’m still going through it. If you feel the call to change but the path ahead looks unclear, don’t hesitate to seek support. We all need it.
You can work with a therapist, a somatic-informed coach, or a Reiki practitioner like me. If you'd like to schedule a session with me, click here. If you're searching for a therapist, I recommend browsing profiles on Psychology Today and finding someone who specializes in what you’re navigating.
Transformation isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone.
Comments