The Essential Feminine

Slave to the Intellect

I used to be highly rational and logical. I will go so far as to say I took pride in my mind. This was further supported by the culture I come from, which celebrated the brain.

Emotions were considered more of a hindrance, a roadblock.

I offer some prompts at the end of this post, that I strongly urge you to try.

In the process, I naturally chose a career that required me to dress in business formal, learn small talk, and don the image of a scientifically driven woman. In the process, I lost myself even before I found myself.

I dressed the way men dressed in a world dominated by white men. Black, blue, brown. Suits. Straight hair. Heels (no woman could have ever decided that heels are for fellow women). I changed the way I spoke to sound more rational. I forced myself to sound "curious" about EVERYTHING, as if our brains are not already on overload. It became a part of my identity to demonstrate that I can work with data and problem solve, even in conversations.

Masculine Energy

We call this masculine energy. It is available to us irrespective of how we identify.

Historically, corporate roles were only for men and, having developed from that vein, that world still largely celebrates the masculine. I remember an encounter after having been on a project for a few months and gently mentoring an intern without recognition, that a partner decided to acknowledge my presence because I was dressed in a manner that deserved appreciation. This was not sexual in any way. But I was dressed according to a very white-European standard and my usually wild hair was tamed and straight.

I have since come very far into discovering beautiful feeling parts of me that I had to bury to "appear" more rational.

Honestly, it was so much hard work.

The process also subconsciously made me judge people who did not demonstrate the same level of problem solving or were more flowy with their emotions. I chose romantic partners based on their résumé (I know, I flinched reading this). I was closed to anything data and science could not prove.

I identified as a 'feminist' and believed that required me to behave in more masculine ways. Naturally I thought this way. Emotions historically have been condemned because the world of research was organized around men. Phrases such as hysterical were only associated with women and in order to make their way in the world, women had to live by the rules of men - and be more like the men. Stoic. Rationale. Logical.

The Other Side

What I didn't realize then was that emotions are the music of our lives.

Logic helps us organize, categorize, and understand our experiences. Emotions are what allow us to live them.

We can spend our entire lives thinking about love without ever feeling it. We can analyze beauty, grief, awe, joy, and wonder, but analysis is not the same as experience. Experience grips us - takes hold in our body - makes us believe in things beyond language or analysis.

Life is not meant to be lived entirely from the neck up.

It is meant to be felt in the heart, sensed in the body, and experienced in relationship with ourselves, others, and the world around us.

The mind creates neat boxes. The heart reminds us that some of life's most meaningful experiences refuse to fit inside them.

I feel sad looking back at that version who was living in a constant state of mental judgment of self and others based on status, résumé, brain, and intellect.

Thankfully I was distressed enough to seek out a non-rational solution and stepped into the world of energy healing and spirituality. I chose to trust something beyond the grasp of my brain. I did not look for data to prove or disprove the benefits of Reiki. I let it be experiential.

Slowly, with mentors, therapists and healers, I felt safe enough to open up to my feminine side.

The side that creates, flows, expresses, moves its body, experiences sensuality as something pleasurable rather than shameful. The side that allows itself to enjoy beauty, touch, movement, rest and pleasure without needing to justify them through productivity or achievement. The side that listens to its intuition and considers that just as valuable as the brain. The side that stops competing.

What I've come to realize is that we need both.

Inviting Balance

Neither is better than the other.

The healthiest version of us is rarely found in choosing one over the other, but in learning when each is needed.

It is a sad reality that our world has worked so hard to shut out the feminine in women.

When you disconnect a woman from her feminine, you disconnect her from her power that lies in the womb. Whether she creates life or not, that power exists. You disconnect her from intuition, creativity, feeling, sensuality, and a deep inner knowing.

When you disconnect a man from his feminine, you detach him from the ability to listen to his own heart and see magic in the world. His life becomes confined to what can be measured, researched, optimized and proven.

We need more feminine energy in a world that already knows how to produce, optimize, analyze and achieve.

Not less masculine.

More balance.

I encourage you to sit with yourself. Set any preconceived notions aside and check in with your masculine and feminine.

Where Do You Lean?

If you don't know how to do that, here are some clues.

Masculine

• Intellect

• Problem solving

• Logic

• Discernment

• Direction

• Taking action

• Creating and sticking rigidly to schedule

• Calculating

• Competition

How easy or difficult is it for you to access these qualities?

Feminine

• Letting go

• Allowing

• Flowing

• Vulnerability

• Dance

• Sensuality and pleasure

• Love

• Intuition

• Giving and Receiving

• Sharing a sense of the collective

How easy or difficult is it for you to access these qualities?

Journal Prompts

Would you still feel worthy if nobody was impressed by how smart, accomplished, productive or capable you are?

Is your sense of worth tied more closely to how intelligent, capable and "on top of things" you are perceived to be?

Or is it tied to how deeply you can feel, connect, create, love and trust?

There is no right answer.

Most of us carry both.

The question is whether one side has become so dominant that the other has been pushed into the background.

The answer may reveal which parts of you are longing to be reclaimed.