My soul tribe - the introverts. Fret not, here is a quick guide that might help you survive 40% better in extrovert oriented activities and events - which, let's acknowledge are all around us! I am putting down a 3R framework that I have found to be useful - Restructure, Regulate, Remind.
THE WORLD FAVORS EXTROVERTS.....
“The modern workplace is built for extroverts. Extroverts are paid more, promoted faster, and rated more positively by their colleagues and managers.” - Harvard business review.
I am quoting something from a reputed publication even though us introverts have probably always deeply known and observed this.
Four in 10 Americans say they are completely or mostly introverted (source) We are not alone soul tribe! Yet, companies quote their inclusion of introverts as a step towards diversity!
Trust me, I know how alienating and isolating it can be to live as an introvert in an environment that expects extroversion and I want to tell you that you are not alone.
I have witnessed the preference of extroversion beyond the workplace in some familial and social settings and it has been an unsettling revelation. Such proclivity forces introverts to act like extroverts, which is absolutely horrendous to their energy levels. Don't trust me? Here is your favorite HBR quoting the same.
Clearly I have 'issues' with a world that is largely extroverted and prefers people to be loud, energetic, run and flay around, talk constantly, BE OUT THERE.
But, I gotta admit - this ain't changing soon. So here is a simple 3R Framework for my Introvert Army to help them survive 40% better in extroverted scenarios while preserving their energy.
1. RESTRUCTURE
This is your preparation stage before a major event or family gathering with a bunch of extroverts. Restructure days before and after the big event - to prepare and later recharge. For example:
Add more alone time. Whatever way you prefer - walking, being creative, netflix-ing, reading.
Reduce social commitments. Move anything that can be moved. Say no to anything new. You are prepping for extrovert war. You have to save energy.
Calm the anxiety. If you have 'feelings' about the event - use your tools proactively to calm the nerves. Schedule time to use your tools. I mean it. This blog post is the product of such anxieties.
Write down things that help stabilize and normalize your nervous system. You can use this list, not just in the days leading up to the event, but also in the days following the event to recharge.
2. REGULATE
Now you are at the event. This will sound odd - but I encourage you to constantly rezone. Picture this, you have had 30 min of active conversation and noise around you - you sense that you feel depleted - this is the time to actively REGULATE. At busy events, I do this by zoning out. Yes - you read this right. In this world chockful of mindfulness advice, I am asking you to zone out. You will thank me later. But we don't just zone out randomly, we do it strategically.
Scroll through your phone for that important message that does not exist. Make your grocery list. Use the bathroom for the 10th time. Savor that drink of water. Observe that plant or tree extra carefully, with a whimsical smile if possible.
Use unsuspecting activities to just catch a breather - especially in events where you might not be able to excuse yourself for long periods of time.
Dog videos do wonders for me!
3. REMIND
Remind yourself why you are at this event at all! If this is not important and you put yourself through the ordeal, we need to have a conversation on boundaries.
However, sometimes, even though we know something is not ideal for our personality and mental health. we have a bigger reason to go through with it.
So remind yourself what your reason is - career progress, relationship stability, funding. Whatever it might be.
Using that reminder as a lever, try to create one positive encounter. Maybe 1 conversation where you are fully engaged, rooted in the reminder. One activity where you are trying to lean in, because the reminder gives you the strength.
I know the struggle is real and this or any other framework would not take the discomfort or anxiety away - but it can help. You start from a framework and refine (another R!) to fit your needs.
PS: Full disclosure, for me the hardest challenge as an introvert has been to accept that I am one. In extrovert favoring environments, when I choose to not participate or to be quiet, I feel self-conscious. We can make extroverted groups so uncomfortable with our approach to the world that in order to deal with their discomfort, they often exert undue energy in trying to make us feel 'included' or 'involved'. In the process, they often see themselves as models of 'accepted' behavior and us as 'needs improvement'. That can be unsettling.
As I continue my growth towards being comfortable with my unique introvert tendencies, I try the tools I share to help me acclimatize more and continue participating in a world that might not always see things my way. I hope you can do the same.
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