I have spent many years of my life running away from so-called 'messy emotions'. E.g., anger, resentment, grief.
Why? The self-programmed beliefs that went something like:
Good people don't show messy emotions
If you let messy emotions show, you are broken and need to be fixed
You should be able to think your way to positivity and out of these emotions
Everything happens for a reason
My programming made messy emotions bad and something to hide or run away from. Even worse, I was modeled positivity as a way to bypass the hard stuff.
Today, I am experiencing one such messy emotion and as my body wrestles its complexity, it wants to shut down and disconnect. I don't want this situation or this emotion. It sucks! At the same time, it exists, is valid and is happening.
In the past, I'd have judged myself for feeling this way. But now, I regard my body's response with compassion and acceptance. I allow the shut-down by going under the covers, watching a hallmark movie and disconnecting from people and demands. I allow all of this - guilt-free.
Over the recent years I have come to appreciate the treasure that lies in the depth of these emotions. We are meant to experience emotions on a spectrum. Check out this Feelings Wheel by one of my favorite artists: Link
At any given time, we might be anywhere on the spectrum in response to a situation and that is okay!
There is immense strength in letting ourselves feel the emotions without jumping to logical explanations or meaning making by the brain. The brain is our place of comfort, and the heart is the place of vulnerability.
Display your vulnerability and I'll witness your strength.
On a more psychological level, experiencing and letting messy emotions out sets us up
to move to ventral vagal state. This is the state of calm, balance, assuredness and safety. We can't THINK our way to this state. We have to move through messy states to make our way there.
It's normal and healthy to have reactions and responses to our surroundings. Sometimes, life can be incredibly tough, and a fitting response is proportional to the situation.
The absolute first step for us to start feeling at home with our bodies is to let ourselves off the hook. We are not on the hook to be positive, calm, happy and optimistic all the time.
Take off the mask, place your hand on your heart, look yourself in the mirror and let yourself know that emotions are okay and welcome. Yes, some emotions are scarier than others. Yes, the society upholds some emotions over others so we fear isolation.
Yes to all of the above AND.....these emotions are okay.
Our bodies are communicating with us and letting us know that something messy is unfolding. Once we acknowledge and give ourselves the space to be mask-free, we have agency to help ourselves through self-help, therapy, somatic coaching, mindfulness, etc.
I recorded a short podcast on some simple daily practices to attune us into listening to our bodies better. Here is the link
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